Bible Question:
Do I need to love myself in order to obey Matthew 22:39? Is a positive self-image required to obey Matthew 22:39?
Bible Answer:
Someone once said, “It would seem that we must love ourselves in order to love others.” But is that the message of Matthew 22:39? For this is what Jesus said,
“The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ ” Matthew 22:39 (NASB)
Here Jesus clearly implies that we do love ourselves. So, does this mean our ability to love others is limited by how much we love ourselves? Do we need to love ourselves more? The answer is no.
Man Who Loves Others
Why do we not need to love ourselves more? The answer was given to us by Christ in two different explanations. First. the Greek word that Jesus used for love in Matthew 22:39 is agapao. It is the verb form of the noun agape. Both refer to God’s love. Agape is the highest form of love. It is a love that is self-sacrificing. This same Greek word is used for love in John 3:16 to describe God’s love for the world. The meaning of this is illustrated in Romans 5:8 when we are told,
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 (NASB)
Ephesians 5:2 describes God’s love like this,
. . . just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. Ephesians 5:2 (NASB)
Because Christ loved us, He gave Himself up or sacrificed Himself on the cross. He died on the cross so that we can have our sins forgiven (1 Corinthians 15:1-4). This is an example of agape. It sacrifices for others. It is a father or a mother dying in order to rescue a child. It is a soldier falling on a grenade to save his fellow soldiers. It is a policeman dying to save a citizen from a gunman.
This helps us understand that agape is a sacrificial love. So Jesus commands us to love others as as we do ourselves. He is telling us to sacrifice ourselves for others just as God sacrificed Himself for us. He reveals that we can love others sacrificially. It is a choice and not an impossibility. Now why can we do that? It is revealed in the second explanation.
The second explanation or reason why do we not need to love ourselves more is that we already “love” ourselves more than everyone else. We are already consumed with ourselves more than anyone else. Luke 5:1-11 records the third time that Jesus had called four disciples to follow Him. It reveals that early in Jesus’ ministry He found Peter, Andrew, James, and John along the shore of the Sea of Galilee. They had been fishing all night and had caught nothing. Eventually, Jesus told them to move their boats off shore and cast their nets down to catch some fish. When Peter obeyed, the nets were so full of fish that his boat began to sink. So, Peter called for the other boat to help. When Peter came on shore, he fell down and worshiped Jesus, calling Him Lord. It was a turning point in the lives of the four disciples. Luke 5:11 says,
When they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and followed Him. Luke 5:11 (NASB)
The Greek word for “everything” is pas. It means “all.” That is, they left all. Later in Matthew 19:27, Peter repeated the statement saying,
“Behold, we have left everything and followed You.” Matthew 19:27 (NASB)
That is what Jesus wanted these men to do. He had called them two previous times to follow Him, but they followed only for a short time (John 1:43-48; Matthew 4:18-22). Finally, this time they made the decision to sacrifice everything and follow Christ. The message is that these men had finally decided to sacrifice themselves and give up everything to follow Christ. It was actually a call to love Christ sacrificially. The four disciples were finally willing to love Jesus as much as they loved themselves and just as they would sacrifice for themselves, they were finally willing to sacrifice everything for Him. Jesus had to keep calling them because they had loved themselves more than other people, including Him.
That is exactly what God calls us to do. He calls us to sacrificially give up everything for Him.
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? Matthew 16:25-26 (NASB)
Matthew 22:36-37 gives us the greatest commandment.
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’” Matthew 22:36-37 (NASB)
Thus God calls us to give up our time, money, our efforts, and our very lives for Him. Why must God call us? Because we will not freely do that on our own. We love ourselves more than others.
Nowhere in Scripture are we ever commanded too love ourselves. We do not have a problem of having insufficient love. We are very proud individuals who value ourselves too highly. Some people who struggle with so-called inferiority complex, positive self-image, or self-pity are actually extremely proud people . They are consumed with themselves. So God redirects our hearts by commanding us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), to love fellow Christians (John 13:34-35), and to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. He calls us to stop being consumed with ourselves. That is, we are commanded to sacrifice ourselves for others.
Worse yet, our love is tainted. Our love falls short of God’s love. That is why we become angry at others. We hate others. Men lust for women and women lust for men. We lie and deceive others. We give and show love to others expecting a favor in return (Matthew 5:46). Sadly, we often only think our love is great. Jeremiah 17:9 says,
“The heart is more deceitful than all else
And is desperately sick;
Who can understand it?”
Jeremiah 17:9 (NASB)
So our love for others is tainted by our pride and our preference for ourselves. We are never commanded to love ourselves more.
Finally, God calls us to die for others. That is the call for ultimate self-denial. Just listen to Jesus’ words in John 15:13.
Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 (NASB)
This fulfills the command of Matthew 22:37-39 to love God and others. We are to love just as we would do anything to save ourselves. To love others as ourselves is a call to love sacrificially. That is the mark of a Christian.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:7-8 (NASB)